Before the first presentation in the debate at the University of St. Thomas Law School in Minneapolis over Minnesota’s proposed marriage amendment that would ban, constitutionally, same-gender marriage in the state, the audience was asked to indicate by raising a hand if they were inclined to vote against that amendment next fall. I was sitting in the back corner of the room of 170 people (not counting, obviously, 50 people who had to be turned away at the door). It seemed to me that most of them, including those who were being turned away at the door, were in their 20s. It definitely seemed to me that the number of people who raised their hand, including me, were in the majority that afternoon.
Across the room was Mark Osler, a friend to me and to St. Stephen’s, who teaches law at St. Thomas. He was impressed by the second presentation, which offered reasons to oppose the proposed marriage amendment. It also inspired Professor Osler to write an op-ed, “May our debate about gay marriage be constructive,” which appeared last weekend in The Star Tribune. Here’s a taste of that op-ed:
If you are going to do any good, you have to engage in a conversation with those who either disagree with you or have not yet made up their minds.
Too much of our public “discourse” is not that at all — it is people of like mind chastising their opponents, who are not there. If you find yourself in a group of people waving signs and yelling at an empty building, you are not changing anyone’s mind.
That building will not vote.
He continues with lots of helpful advice for his more liberal friends based on his years of teaching advocacy. Insults, for example, are not helpful. But reaching out to individuals who disagree with you, arguing toward the principles that they profess, and assuming that those principles are genuine, is actually fruitful.
Interestingly, another friend and colleague of Professor Osler, Teresa Collett, wrote an op-ed, “May debate over marriage include facts,” that recently appeared in The Star Tribune as a counterpoint to his. The witness to the rest of us, I think, is that the friendship and the conversation between them is able to continue in the midst of a disagreement about the question at hand.
Of this I’m sure, without us doing the same thing in our own contexts, no one’s mind is going to change about any of this. But there is both time for these kinds of conversations to take place over the next year and, for some of us, the genuine principle that requires us to love our neighbor because of the words of Jesus. As Jesus taught in one of his most interesting stories, that neighbor might turn out to be someone who’s very difficult to love because of deep-seated theological and cultural differences. Yet that kind of love has the power to change the world.
Thanks, Neil! I had a great conversation with Teresa this week, too– and learned from it. This kind of dialogue is important…
Thank you for this lovely commentary. Mark is a wonderful colleague and friend.
If life is a gift, which I believe it is, we must first pledge our heart to a belief or love worth dying for before love for another can become a covenant. To die to self for that belief and love (God) provides the grace and strength to love ourselves and step into the light – transparently introducing ourselves to the world. With the love of God, of self and courage we can pledge our love to another secure our journey(s) is sealed with His love – regardless of possibly being defined out by Creed(s).
The gift of life is given freely and with one request. That we reference, nurture and share our gift with all of creation. When acted upon, His request will ensure each new today shared in the light will offer new tomorrows that will expand the knowledge of His unconditional love.
Though the journey may be long and arduous, our actions (and words) prepare the way for others to follow. Can we ask for more? More can and should be asked of all.
Blessed with His grace and love, we can keep the faith.
I think it is the greatest temptation we face: to blaze in righteousness,in “I am right-ness.” It is patently excruciating,to sit serene and simply listen. But,I agree,we must listen and attempt to relinquish the mask of ego when we do. To understand the heart of the situation is what we must do. Thanks to The Professor,to you,and to God,for creating us with the capability to do this,even though we most of the time do not want to.
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The Marriage Amendment #2
“The circle of love around the Lord’s Table is always greater than we imagine it to be and, therefore, must include our neighbor who disagrees with us about the marriage amendment. Loving our neighbor isn’t always easy, but that’s how minds and lives are transformed. This I believe.”
- Reverend Willard speaking at the
- 154th Annual Convention of the Episcopal Church in Minnesota, Oct 2011
“[. . .] He does nothing in vain; He may prolong my life, He may shorten it; He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends, He may throw me among strangers, He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide the future from me—still He knows what He is about.
Do we have that trust? The trust that allowed Simon and Andrew, and James and John to drop everything when Jesus called. To trust that whatever they were and were not, they could be part of Jesus’ plan?”
- Susan Stabile, Creo en Dios 01-22-12
“– still He knows what he is about.”
Painfully pushed, forced and thrust into the unknown and then severed from the safety and nourishment of shared existence, new life begins to shroud us from our awakening before our eyes can see, before our heart can love, before our mind can discern and before richness in soul defines. Before discovery of self begins to unfold; our perception, our image, our visual appearance is being chronicled for us. A name is given, announcements are proclaimed, clothing covers our innocence and our presentation for acceptance precedes our arrival, our arrival of self. Imagine the trauma, the guilt, the shame and the horror when the hard edges of reality, our existence, our body, do not match our gender, our mind or our soul. Consider the fear of being trapped in the cultural snare of reality that proclaims our existence proof positive of the most heinous of sins.
We are all part of Jesus’ plan. Trust in Him. The gift of life is given freely and with one request. That we reverence, nurture and share our gift with all of creation. When acted upon, His request will ensure each new today, shared in the light, will offer new tomorrows that will expand the circle of love around the Lord’s Table.
Though the journey may be long and arduous, our actions (and words) prepare the way for others to follow. Can we ask for more? More can and should be asked of all.
Blessed with His grace and love, we can trust in Him, …“He knows what he is about.”