Category Archives: Relationships

Before the first presentation in the debate at the University of St. Thomas Law School in Minneapolis over Minnesota’s proposed marriage amendment that would ban, constitutionally, same-gender marriage in the state, the audience was asked to indicate by raising a hand if they were inclined to vote against that amendment next fall. I was sitting in the back corner of the room of 170 people (not counting, obviously, 50 people who had to be turned away at the door). It seemed to me that most of them, including those who were being turned away at the door, were in their 20s. It definitely seemed to me that the number of people who raised their hand, including me, were in the majority that afternoon.

Across the room was Mark Osler, a friend to me and to St. Stephen’s, who teaches law at St. Thomas. He was impressed by the second presentation, which offered reasons to oppose the proposed marriage amendment. It also inspired Professor Osler to write an op-ed, “May our debate about gay marriage be constructive,” which appeared last weekend in The Star Tribune. Here’s a taste of that op-ed:

If you are going to do any good, you have to engage in a conversation with those who either disagree with you or have not yet made up their minds.

Too much of our public “discourse” is not that at all — it is people of like mind chastising their opponents, who are not there. If you find yourself in a group of people waving signs and yelling at an empty building, you are not changing anyone’s mind.

That building will not vote.

He continues with lots of helpful advice for his more liberal friends based on his years of teaching advocacy. Insults, for example, are not helpful. But reaching out to individuals who disagree with you, arguing toward the principles that they profess, and assuming that those principles are genuine, is actually fruitful.

Interestingly, another friend and colleague of Professor Osler, Teresa Collett, wrote an op-ed, “May debate over marriage include facts,” that recently appeared in The Star Tribune as a counterpoint to his. The witness to the rest of us, I think, is that the friendship and the conversation between them is able to continue in the midst of a disagreement about the question at hand.

Of this I’m sure, without us doing the same thing in our own contexts, no one’s mind is going to change about any of this. But there is both time for these kinds of conversations to take place over the next year and, for some of us, the genuine principle that requires us to love our neighbor because of the words of Jesus. As Jesus taught in one of his most interesting stories, that neighbor might turn out to be someone who’s very difficult to love because of deep-seated theological and cultural differences. Yet that kind of love has the power to change the world.

You can read all of the reflections in this series here.

Minnesota Public Radio’s Midday program recently featured the debate that took place last week at the University of St. Thomas Law School in Minneapolis about the proposed marriage amendment that would ban, constitutionally, same-gender marriage in the state. As I mentioned in the previous post, this debate was sponsored by the Murphy Institute for Catholic Thought, Law and Public Policy as the first discussion in a new series called “Hot Topics: Cool Talk.”

The first hour of the program, which you can listen to here,  included a 20 minute presentation in favor of the amendment by Maggie Gallagher, president of the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy, and a 5 minute rebuttal by Dale Carpenter, University of Minnesota professor of civil rights and civil liberties law. The second hour, which you can listen to here, offered the reverse with a 20 minute presentation in opposition to the amendment by Professor Carpenter and a 5 minute rebuttal by Ms. Gallagher. It’s worth the time to listen to both.

Providing a forum that brings together people of faith for a conversation about difficult issues is a noble and necessary effort that seems to be an extension of the commandment to love our neighbor as ourselves. Surely that must include the neighbor who disagrees with us about the current political questions that face us as a community. These divides are present within our churches, too, and how we listen to one another as brothers and sisters in Christ matters a great deal.

There’s already a lot of controversy among Minnesota’s Roman Catholics about the hard line of their bishops not only in favoring the amendment but also in requesting that parish priests form committees to work for its passage at the ballot box. You can get a taste of that controversy here and here.

The Episcopal Church in Minnesota, which I serve as a parish priest, trends in the other direction. My hope, however, is that we won’t make the same mistake and assume that people in the pews are of the same mind. As a very liberal colleague of mine said at our recent clergy conference, our churches need to be sanctuaries, where people on both sides of this issue feel safe enough to share their points of view. Let’s not allow the hostility outside of our walls to be present within them.

The Rt. Rev. Andrew Waldo, Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Upper South Carolina and formerly a parish priest here in Minnesota, wrote an op-ed that appeared in Columbia’s State newspaper a few days ago. Although it was written in response to another contentious issue, his words are also relevant to this one:

[The Episcopal Church] has a long history of theological diversity and respect for those with whom we disagree, and we can all benefit from the challenge of addressing these questions openly and in a spirit of mutual charity. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that is too often hostile to disagreement and unwilling to engage in honest dialogue with those who have different views. Our churches are not immune from this, and all who follow a loving God have each to ask God to forgive us for any roles we may have played in that hostility . . .

It’s not always easy to love our neighbor. Nevertheless, Jesus holds the principle to be part of the greatest commandment that people of faith are called to follow.

You can read all of the reflections in this series here.